Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Library hours

I was laughing so hard I almost feel off the chair. I don't fit. Even my headphones are too loud, my typing too violent, my silent laugh annoying. It's funny all in all, I hold a book near and read the first pages a few times before I realise I don't pay any attention. I get to conclusions before I go to class, but it's not because of really reading the texts. It works out just fine. But oh, how I laughed today.
I am addicted. I usually tend to become that to a lot of things. I have grown over phones, but I hardly get by a day without a computer. I need to hear the keyboard and I love the feeling when I move the tip of my fingers over the glossy keys. I have my shortcuts, my dramas, my work, all in there. My lies too. Part of them. It's easy to grow fond of things that can serve you as a friend. Alcohol does that sometimes. He is more like an old friend, though. Knows all your dark secrets and tells you to spit it all out, sing like a canary, be vulnerable and screw it all up because when he's gone, you won't have time to get bored busy with building your sand castles again. But computers, they are wise guys. They keep secrets and let you obsess over things as many times as you want and never wait for their time to speak.
We've grown mental, but that's allright. It's warm today in CEU and raining outside, just like it was raining when I left and time just waited for me to come back. He said I was healed. I don't think so. But I am hungry for life again. Hungry for the outdoors and the smell of novels, for images and sounds and dancing and worrying.
Hardcore month coming ahead. Hardcore indeed and it's gonna bring more light and tiny green leaves at some point. So that in spring we can all pretend to be in love, at least with ourselves. So that we can pull the pretty shoes and dresses out of the closets and dust the skeletons when we get bored. That kind of stuff. ;)

No comments: