Wednesday, September 26, 2007
There is always a new season in life. Over is not over. There is no black screen with names on it to let us know it's time to move on, walk out, change the channel. Sometimes I wish I knew how to say "we're so over, we need a new word for over", rather than "this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship". There are moments in life when I lay in bed and I just know it's over, and that's the only "the end" page that I read. Right now, as strange as it seems, I don't know what's over. For sure the me is kinda the same... and most of the people in my life are still somehow there, even if I've left them behind, or if I naturally make them hate me from time to time. In movies, as in life, you may think some people are meant to be together and lose the bet. Black holes are when I can't even put on a pair of jeans to enjoy the day outside, when I keep myself busy and still be bored with anything I do, when little things around the room are the only source of laughter and unsure hope. I don't know if it was the hangover, or the phone call, or just me, but I've made it out. And maybe a new season has started, but for sure the last episode is over. So over, I need a new word for over. Over enough to be psychotically terrified with the little things around the room, but as comfortable with over as I always knew I would be. Maybe life or whatever is a big TV guru and knows just how to keep high audience rates... every time give viewers something to come back to. Some are thrown out by the script, some don't renew their contracts, but a new season is a natural promise for new faces. As mind-blowing as possible.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
It took some time, but I realised I'm not critical, not hard to please, but angry. I used to beat up my friends in childhood and call them names. I used to have a wardrobe full of black clothes, and that was not for trying to be cool. I take the bus and hate everybody I see thru that window. It sometimes explodes and sometimes implodes, it makes me that girl. The girl with the inappropriate dress at the prom. The girl people won't let cook in their kitchen because for sure she will burn a pan. The girl who says the stupid things in the classroom. The girl who cries in public. The girl who gets drunk enough to piss off all her friends. Just the girl who fucks up things and is really good at embarrasing people. But I'm a friend of my anger. Anger lets me know I'm not as weak and stupid as I look. Anger comes from a feeling of personal value. And from giving in to the idea that life in unfair. Anger is realistic, anger is empowering and most of all, angry is better than numb. Some people may give in to kindness and optimism. They get better health, more good luck and lots of love. I dig anger. It's self-destructive.