Here goes yet another summer. Now it's the time to think about how the next summer will be better and how I'll manage to save up to do something exciting. But the truth is I had the resources, I just didn't have anyone to go away with. Anyway. This summer sucked more than the one before, when I at least went to summer school and traveled a little around Budapest and then went up to the mountains. This summer I only got a weekend at the baths, one in Harghita and one in Sighisoara. Basically, stuff I could've done in any season anyway. My days off from work were spent helping my family - visiting my uncle when he underwent surgery and then helping my grandparents with the harvest. I spent most time doing nothing and I didn't even feel bored or lonely.
In a way, autumn is good because it pushes me to start working. I have to take my exams this week and then I have to finish the research. I'll hate the cold and I'll soon be exhausted. I'm now used to eating lots of times a day and sleeping over ten hours. I have to get to a few low carb meals and six hours of sleep. Otherwise, I'll just keep doing as little as possible and always at the last minute. I know myself, when I indulge, I do it thoroughly.
I've been spending this last year freaked out about not knowing what I want to do with my life. But now I'll just stick to creating options for myself. Being more involved with the academics, but keeping an eye on the labor market. Applying to PhDs and looking for better jobs. It may not come fast and easy and I'm ready to wait for it. I just don't want to be stuck anymore. I'm also improving my abilities to commit. I'm adopting a kitten, she should be with me in about two weeks. I feel that maybe I haven't been as nurturing towards others as I used to be and maybe I am intimidating or at least awkward to people who meet me.
So I hope I'll start writing about things more interesting than myself soon, I should start a diary and stop whining online. But for now, it feels better to catch up with myself and I guess there are people out there who'd like that too.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but, burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."