Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Light summer readings

For my birthday I got a copy of Sex and the City, Candance Bushnell's book. It's terribly bad written, but I enjoyed reading it. I laughed quite a lot and was constantly comparing the stories and characters to those in the HBO series. I guess Carrie's character is pretty much the same: a young writer and socialite always looking for fun and love. The other characters are kinda missing, except for Stanford Blatch, maybe. Samantha Jones is this producer who's sleeping around while dreaming of a monogamous relationship. Charlotte and Miranda may have appeared under other names, but they were just passing by. I appreciated there was more sex talk from men's perspectives and really hated all the drug references. In Bushnell's New York almost everyone was doing drugs. Mr. Big and Carrie make a yucky couple in the book, I'm not even sure why. They just have shitty drama going on. So I recommend it to the aficionados but I'm not sure about the profane. Maybe with a fresh eye it could actually be an interesting read.

I also had in my bag a book by Frederic Beigbeder. I can't really grasp the English translation, so I'll just leave it to that. Fun book as well. This one's about a French male socialite and his crazy adventures until he finds real love. The guy has a gang of other wacky rich kids and they attend all sorts of high-end parties that eventually turn into chaotic cake-throwing bashes. At first he has this girlfriend, Victorie, who's rich and has been living with him for a while. But at some point he meets this fair lady Anne and does his best to get rid of the old model. Of course, Victorie eventually marries his best friend. The tale of his emotions while he's courting Anne is endearing. Eventually they reach that lovely routine only passionate couples can live in, when doing even the smallest things together feels like a celebration. So I vote for Beigbeder's book. As a European male, his Marc Marronnier shows much more trust in the capacities of love to bring about change than the oversexed characters of Sex and the City.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Emotional rapists

So I wonder which nice guy is asking me out tonight. You know those guys. Good on paper, nice job, fairly cute, warm and kind. I've come to the conclusion I wanna swing a bat at their heads most times. Because they are emotional rapists. They usually trick me into giving them some contact details to keep in touch, cause I'm such a fun person to talk to. First clue: they feed on your ego. Then they have some thing they wanna do with me. Just me. Cause it would be so nice, I should go. I try to say no in a non-hurtful way. Because they seem so fragile. So they insist. Over and over again. That's kinda the second clue: you don't even get to think they're desperate, you're too caught up in finding new ways to say no. And once they do get it, it's time for the guilt trip. Oh, that's the worst part of them all. They either don't do that thing without you and stay at home sad and alone, or they do it but tell you how less fun it was without you there. It all seems natural, I know. But I call them rapists for a reason. Their endeavor is violent at the subconscious level. They lift you up with flattery and then put you down cause you don't act according to expectations. They make me feel like, against my will, I was part of a story that's all in their heads and somehow I'm the one who gets to feel guilty about their miserable lives.
Oh, but if you do say yes, all hell breaks loose. They'll smother you and care for you and all that. And it's probably fun. People ask what's with girls running after the bad boys all the time. Well, let me tell you something. The nice guys, apart from totally wrecking your head with their insecurities and always checking up on you, are most likely to lie. Cause they don't want you to ever be upset with them. So they lie about the little things. And one lie leads to another and so on. Then they project their own behavior on you and there goes jealousy. Thank you very much, good boys are too much of a drama for me.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

On the road again

I don't even know what I wanna say about my weekend at the bikers' reunion. I had times I felt I didn't belong there, but I guess a party is a party and it's not just for those who throw it. Late Thursday night I get a message from the babe asking me if it's crazy to just go the next day over to this reunion so she can surprise her boyfriend. And I thought 'meh' and went back to sleep.
But I woke up asking myself why the hell not. So I went to work, hurried with the articles and early afternoon we were out hitchhiking. It didn't take a minute before a truck picked us up. He was a nice fellow and being on the road was so refreshing. After that a younger guy coming from Germany took us another bit of the way and then a guy who lives nearby the town we were headed to.
Whatever. So we were there. We found the people to hang with. Had a few beers. I had some kind of cheap liquor, I almost danced but hardly kept my balance. I know we walked around all night, but can't really remember the order of events.
Anyhow, the next day I was bored or sleepy or something. I didn't even have an appetite, but we went to lunch to this nearby restaurant. The potatoes were too salty and I couldn't eat my chicken. So then I just had some cotton candy and went to sleep. I finally got back to beer and we had a laugh and I made a daisy wreath. There was a concert of some Hungarian metal band and I got lost for a while and that's about it. Cause we all went to bed early. There was this guy in our room snoring like a truck. We left early in the morning with some friends' car. When I got back here I felt I was gonna suffocate. In all possible ways.
So all in all, it was a fun trip. I met a lot of people I'll probably not be seeing again, but the point is I got out of this concrete jail for a while. And yes, I've been leaving all the fun stuff aside, but that's mine to keep.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Where to?

So I'm stuck. I just turned 24 and I got two of the things I wished for last year. I got an exciting job that makes me feel I am making a difference and I moved out of my parents' home to my very own place. I've read a few more books and watched even more movies, but I didn't get to travel as much as I was hoping. I didn't get to enjoy all this for some reason. I just lived in this state of inertia, where my only reactions were due to the acceleration of events in my life. I do not feel I was the one to make things happen. I am happy crappy 23 is over,though.
What I want for myself right now a little extra brain. So that I don't repeat the academic laziness of the first year in my research M.A. And maybe so that I apply for PhD, even though I'm not sure it's what I want. So that I can get kick-ass subjects for the paper. So that I can finally meet the nice and interesting people and not bother about the trolls. So that I can finally pull myself together and do something with my life. Other than sitting around, eating cheese frankfurter and ice cream and watching TV shows. Which is kinda what I enjoy lately, too much I would say.
All in all, you can't be lost if you don't know where you're going, right? But I would rather get a sense of purpose than just chill and see what gives. Tried this one and it didn't actually work.