Bird watching at the office

I work in a new office for a couple of months now and it's in a quiet green(er) neighborhood. Last year I bought the Phillips bird guide, the Romanian edition. So now I'm always on a lookout for nearby birdies. And as a very junior birdwatcher I'm starting with what I have around. 

One of the first groups I started to follow in fascination was a fluttering gang of bullfinches (Pyrrhula pyrrhula). I couldn't miss them due to their adorable red chest and short fat beaks. They've been away for a couple of days, every day I could see them at lunch through the window. 

Now it's the time of the blackbirds (Turdus merula). I meet them in the morning, they like to snack around the nearby school and they seem to have become more and more accustomed to me. I still can't get a decent picture of one, though. I can't wait to hear them singing again.

A quite common presence is the great tit (Parus major). I can hear them when I come and go but they're restless little creatures. I think I'll never consider them to be common birds. That unusual green is nothing but special in the grey city.

Every morning there's a whole wire of puffed up carrion crows (Corvus corone corone) lining up the alley. They're also hanging around a lot in the trees I used to see the bullfinches on. There's always a lunch fight going on must mostly it looks like fun play. Their cousins, the hooded crows (Corvus corone cornix) are a bit more shy for some reason. In the country I remember they were quite used to having humans nearby all the time.

Aaand while I was stalking some blackbirds for a photo I happened accross a woodpecker (Dendrocopos major) going about its business. He did notice me for he was always going around the tree so I couldn't get a decent picture. 

Somehow we always think we are used to all these neighbors but we are strangers. Honestly, I couldn't name all of the birds when I first met them and I had to double check I got the species right. They are amazing resilient creatures in such cold days. 

I put up a bird feeder on my terrace but I think they're too shy to come so close to a home, especially when there's a river nearby where they can search the bushes and trees for food. But here close to my office they are living their little lives a bit closer. I'll keep looking at new places in the city and away for more and more birdies to watch and "collect".

*I didn't take any of the pictures - they're internet finds. But I want to start getting good at this. Hope I can soon use my own.

The big things

Hey, guys! It's been more than a year since I last posted. Maybe nobody's reading anyway. I added a little banner to the right to the new blog I've started with my husband. A lot has changed. I moved, we live in a house now. We have a new baby boy cat (the one with his eyes open). We got married. I got a new job. I gained weight. I didn't finish my PhD yet. Some of my friends moved to other countries. Some are coming back. Life is very different, in theory, but I feel the same.

Actually, in all honesty, I feel better about myself. I've been keeping away from people and situations that make me feel terrible. I gave up drinking. I gave up harmful friends. I no longer allow others to make me feel inadequate. And I've had a great time learning from people on an app called YOU about what a supportive community can bring to one's life. I've been conscious about the amazing happiness of having a family of my own. I've treated myself with kindness and tried to enjoy giving.
These are the things that actually matter when catching up. I sometimes wish I could sit down with a long time friend and tell them these things. But none of us really talk about the big things, do we?

I'm back. Eventually

It's been like more than a month since I said I'd start posting again. I've been rummaging through old ideas of post topics I should use and I yet need to structure my writing so that I don't lazy out and keep track of the things I'd want to read here. Right now I'm at work and while I should be working or checking up some files at the court house, I'm writing this. Actually, my whole life has gotten a bit messy, but in a good way. I guess it's a little like when a really quiet and tidy couple have their first child. Things get noisy and dirty and nothing is anymore where it should be, and a lot of stuff is put aside. But you are so happy and everything is so new and exciting, that you just don't care anymore.
 Not that my life is all new. I just feel like it is, every day. And I don't really get to plan or dwell in the past. Because I keep going while I get to enjoy so much. I work at the same newspaper and teach the same class. I haven't advanced with my dissertation and I rarely see my friends and family. But the times I do get to see them, it's great, and I am grateful every day. I am actually always in between homes and work and school and meetings, but it evens out, as I get to lay back and relax, watch a few show I enjoy and debate with my boyfriend and just be generally awesome.
This is my Monday voice, when everything is full of possibilities, because I, for one, don't mind going back to work or planning a full day, including workouts, cooking and some right about time housework. I'll be having a short week at work, actually two of them, and some five free days in between. So I'll use up as much of my energy as I feel like, because there will be plenty of time to replenish it. Yesterday I baked a really great chocolate peanut butter cake and if I'm not too lazy, I'll post it soon under yet another (not quite) Sunday baking post. Also, I must interest you in this Clive Barker novel I'm reading. It's exhausting, but freaking mindblowing. Like most things nowadays, I guess!

Birthday wishlist. Second edition

 Now, you might remember last year's birthday wishlist. These things seem to work in the long run. I bought most of the stuff on that list, but it doesn't really matter , they're still presents :D I was going to write a post on how I'm on a freaking rollercoaster lately, but my friends keep bugging me to write the list. Truth be told, this year I want less stuff and more... well,, things you cannot buy. So here it goes.

1. A great party
I want to finally be able to say, wow, my birthday this year was fun. Especially since all the ages from here to 35 are like second on my "ages I hate" list (23 still sucks the most). So I want people to not despise each other on my birthday, to drink and be merry. I want them to wear the stupid princess paper tiaras I'll bring. I will not take no for an answer. I want them to eat my muffins, I'm obviously baking for my own birthday, duuh. And I'm thinking about spicy. And generally, I want to feel at home and at peace and leave that damn party with a smile on my face.
2. An OK on my PhD report
Yep. I have to present my PhD first research report right on my birthday. Needless to say, I am way behind and I know I will panic and I will eventually turn something in. But I want it to be fine, I wanna start my third year and I really wish people will be supportive and help me from now on with my paper. I really wanted this degree and now I want it even more because I can't wait to move on.
3. Another tattoo
I know the last one has just healed, but I really really have my mind set on this awesome kitty/jolly roger idea, where I will use Emily Strange's Sabbath's head as an inspiration. The crossed bones are definitely a must. I'm thinking the interior of my right foot. That's because no matter how many people in my life will want her gone, my kitty will always be one of my centers of balance.
4. Dr. Martens
There had to be shoes on this list. Thing is I went with my friend to the shop to get a pair and they didn't have his size. Instead, I found my dream pair I had been staring at for a while. So I'm buying them. When I'm done with my report. To congratulate myself.
5. New (ear)rings
I want to change my ear and belly piercing jewelry with some simple rings with a ball. The tiniest ones, with that stupid ball I can never get in. It's silly, but these are the things on my mind when I think about going around getting myself stuff. But I never do, because I'm a lazy bastard.
6. Llosa
Yes, apart from shoes, there also had to be books on this list. I've been buying myself Rushdie and Joseph Conrad and goddess knows what, but I've been yearning to follow up on my readings of Llosa, epecially after his visit to my city and the wonderful speech he gave.
7. A mix tape
Seriously, I never ever know what to listen to. And I also think a mix tape is something personal, that one person gives another to convey a message, to strenghten a bond. The last mix tape (OK, CD) I got was in my first year of college. It would be nice to have somebody put together a set of songs for me, that would take some commitment and I could use some of that lately.

Holiday outline. Meh

As long as I don't spend my time on social networks, I am batshit crazy about my life. Then the stupid snake I carry inside since childhood whispers in my ears and compares me to others - I should do this or that, be one way or another, own all sorts of stuff or whatever else I like about their lives and may want for myself. It could be constructive. It's not. Unless we're talking about people I have no connection to whatsoever, like whatever is posted on Pinterest. I don't want *those* shoes, it just makes me think about things I can use to create the looks I like. Whatever, I don't even know why I brought this up. I'm just realizing I'm so intense about so many little things, I consume myself before I get to the ones that really matter. I didn't even feel that yesterday was just one day. It felt like three, for some reason, even though all I did was read, watch Poirot and cook and bake with my mother. And that's also because of the damned social media.
A week of my holiday is gone, there's almost only two days left (though I'm sure Tuesday will be a pretty relaxed day at work). I did a lot of stuff. On Saturday I visited my grandma and went to the cemetery to lay flowers for all those who passed. It was a beautiful day and I dare say it wasn't a sad occasion. We remembered them with joy in our hearts. On  Sunday I visited a friend and saw another play. The reviews I read were pretty bad, so I didn't go with high expectations. I was pleasantly surprised. I liked the construction, most of the acting, the rhythm and the twist. I have to start going to the Hungarian theatre as well, I've seen some hot stuff on the schedule.
Monday was a day for movies, there was a Romanian film week at the cinema in the city. I particularly enjoyed Alexandru Maftei's bitter sweet comedy, if there were no people around me I would have cried like a mountain spring, but it left me with so much peace of mind. Later on, I went with a friend to check out the music at this new rock party they're planning on Mondays, and the theme was supposed to be glam. We were bored to death, had a beer and moved on. The next day I decided pretty much at the last moment to attend the International Jazz Day concert. and I'm happy I did. Again, I found peace where I least expected. Walking home through the park that night, I felt like humming.
I spent the 1st of May with the family in the mountains. When we got there it was kinda raining, but it's not like we ever take the weather there seriously. The next day it was beautiful, I read a lot and sunbathed with one of our dogs there. Yesterday we made cakes and colored the eggs. I was so happy to see they had stickers and I enjoyed myself a lot decorating the eggs and creating scenarios. They didn't need me today in the kitchen, but I went anyway, to check out the proceedings. Tonight I have to attend the midnight mass, otherwise my mom will yell about it for a week. At least there's my brother around to bitch about stuff.
So yeah, I'm planning a super low profile Easter. It's not like I consider holidays to be the highlight of my time. Actually, they're breaks from the stuff I actually do. And it's so funny to see people get tans and new clothes for a family lunch and maybe a party somewhere. I can't really explain it, but it feels petty and pathetic. But here I go again comparing myself to others. Blogs must be part of the same evil conspiration :P

A personal brand of ecstasy

I'm back. And I must admit that my absence was due to a long period of lazyness combined with continuous sleazy partying. It's not that I haven't been doing anything, I've just been doing a lot of bad things. But I know how it goes, it's ups and downs and I'm feeling an upward trend is on, so I want to keep growing.
But here are the highlights. Bear with me, I know this is annoying, but I need to keep track of myself in writing. The trip to Serbia was great. I keep joking about the fact that for the first time in my life I felt like an Italian cherrybomb actress who's surrounded by lighters before she even takes the cigarette to her mouth. I went there with the group from the local department of the national television. They were most galant and fun to be around. The trip by car was beautiful, it went from rain to snow in the mountains and sun along the Danube. At the forum I got to meet a few cool fellow journalists and learn a lot. I presented a paper on networking for journalists and the new media. Donji Milanovac, where we were staying, is a nice quiet small town right along the Danube and I loved the sights. The only thing I did not like generally is the food, but I survived. I'm really glad I got to be a part of this and I hope it opened up new opportunities for me.
When I got back the crazy partying began. I guess it's because I was tired and stressed out. It's only been three nights, but it feels like I lost two weeks. However, that first week, I got to go to a box sparring and a book launch, things that were equally new to me. I generally avoided book launches because I only care for talks about books I've read already. It's a weird thing, I know. Last Sunday, just like today, I went out walking/hiking with my parents. At least somebody is willing to get out of the city and into the green, cause I long for it every day.

Talking of longing, I had a terrible time on Friday. I was tired, someone yelled at me, I had an anxiety atack, and by the time I was done with work, I was a wreck. But I felt a bit of hope as I realized I got out in time to go see a play I've had my heart set on for months (Zenobia). As I was walking towards the theatre, I wasn't feeling broken or empty, there was just a crazy storm inside of me, that pushed from the inside. Unfortunately, they didn't have any more tickets, but I got some for yesterday (La rascruce de vanturi). I can't really comment on the play, it gave me mixed feelings, like most do. At times I enjoyed it, at other times I just wanted to leave. But then something happened. I woke up obsessed, with a special kind of high. And I've been thinking about it all morning. I've also been thinking about this indescribable feeling I get at the theatre. It's not the storytelling, and it's not so much the acting. I imagine this is what the true believers feel like in church. A sense of communion, of feeding on blood and body, of both catharsis and revelation. I've always believed this kind of hysteria comes from the running energies and I can see why in that hall, in the dark, they get stronger and stronger. It must be the best rush in the world to be on that stage.

I'm out

"I'm having a terrible day. It's snowing in March, I have a hell of a cold and I hate my hair. And I've been thinking a lot lately (despite my fever) about things I've written about before. Such as the things I believe in and whether and how I stand for them"... is what I was writing this Wednesday. And then I just stopped because I was going to get all preachy and write things I might delete later. Maybe some other time, when I don't begin my post whining.

In another line of thought, I feel like I've been all out partying lately. I went beering with the boss on Monday, a colleague and then the babe on Thursday, to a concert on Friday and then another one on Saturday. I know it's a walk in the park for people around me, but for me it's a lot. I'm a stay at home read a book kind of girl. Speaking of which, I just had to buy Rushdie's Midnight Children. I savor it one page at the time and can't wait to share the joy. The concerts were nice. The black metal gig was part sad part funny, but that's just me. Anyhow, I had a good time, I felt more at home than in those stuck up joints we always go to. The one on Saturday, those boys were bluesing right down my alley. I don't know if it's a verb or a thing, but I liked it. I also went dancing and I have to thank a very dear friend for sticking with me the whole night and telling me enchanting stories about Star Wars. That same Saturday we were at the rugby match. We lost. My favorite player was not even in the field and we got stupidly outplayed by two essays in like 5 minutes. However, I can't wait for the next one. Yesterday I cut work to go to the movies. I watched Oz the Great and Powerful alongside 100 children. It was amazing! The audience can really make a movie more watchable. I would have bitched, but their amazement made the film a wonderful experience for me.
So this week I'm leaving for Serbia. When I'm back I have a lot of shit to do, like an appointment at the tattoo parlor, signing some contracts, attending some conferences and even more plays and concerts! Not to mention I have a new swimming buddy and as soon as the rain stops, I'm taking the bike out on the hills. I also have to buy some daffodils. But whatever, I'll be writing from Serbia, I hope, where a whole bunch of us journalists will be networking. But about that last thing, some other time.

All new

Yay! Yesterday I was really nervous about the outcome of trying a new thing and I'm happy to say it turned out allright. It's my hair. I didn't want to bleach it and I couldn't possibly imagine how to get the layers of red and black out of it without having to cut it to a bob. Then my friend told me about Color B4 and, after weeks of pondering, I eventually ordered it on eBay. I then waited another week to get my spirits up and really do it. The truth is I didn't have my hopes up. And it's not a spectacular result. But I'm back to my natural color, more or less, with a tint of ginger. I had some red highlights, bleached underneath, which I'm happy were not completely discolored, but have also a lighter shade of ginger. I'm obviously coloring it in a week or two, because I want a full, eterogeneous color. Something very close to my natural one, as I don't want to be bothered with coloring this summer and I want it to naturally adapt to the sun and water and so on. Until then, I have to do some conditioning treatments, as the color removal has left my hair slightly porous. Oh well, at least it came out as I wanted and all that money didn't go down the drain.
While I was waiting for the smelly stuff to do its thing and shrink the color molecules, I had a frozen pizza I bought from Lidl. I was surprised it was really tasty and the ingredients had nothing weird and chemical about them. I was a bit disappointed when I got home and realized it had some green stuff on it, but it wasn't broccoli! I hate broccoli. It was spinach, instead, and spinach I love, courtesy of Popeye, my chilhood sweetheart :) I also got from the supermarket a bouquet of pink tulips. They are so beautiful and lighten my day. Having flowers in my kitchen (having a cat doesn't give me much option as to where to put the flowers) also motivated me to do the mountain of dishes and clean up. I was going to do that when I cook the tikka (I know, it's been a week, but my parents keep bringing me food).
I got to ski one last time, the slope was perfect this weekend. However, while I was super excited on Sunday, the teleski broke down and we had to climb our way back to the car carrying the equipment. Talk about working out! Still, I've been feeling sort of sick and sort of tired these past few days and I've passed on some opportunities to go out with friends and listen to classical music. I'm trying to get myself back together, because life never seems to stop and wait for me and there is so much to do. I just hope we get a really long holiday for Easter, like a week or so, and then I'll just sit around and enjoy the sun.

Kitchen genius

Well, I have so many things to write about, but I'll start with the title of this post. Maybe add the pics later. My cooking genius mostly manifests itself when I have to improvise.Yesterday I wanted to make chicken soup with plenty of vegetables, but I couldn't find everything I needed. therefore, I decided on the good old chicken noodle soup, because I was sure I had some homemade noodles somewhere around the house. Well, turns out I didn't. So when the chicken broth was done, I decided to improvise. The meat I set aside anyway (the skin and bones went to the neighbourhood kitties) for the tikka, as well as a cup of broth. The rest of it became a super hot and spicy Chinese noodle soup. As I thought I might as well use those instead of my grandma's missing noodles, I also found some freeze-dried Asian seasoning and some other dried veggies  I boiled for a few minutes. I then added the noodles and went crazy with the Sichuan pepper :P Also, I used two spoons of tomato juice and one of soy sauce and ta-daaam! Super soup to the rescue!
Now, getting back to the news, I'm almost certainly going to Serbia in the beginning of April, to the International Romanian Journalists' Forum annual meeting. However, I won't be attending the EspaNet social policy workshop in June. It's pretty late to look for summer schools now, but I'll keep an eye open for the conferences in the autumn. So at least I'm traveling this year :D
On Tuesday I went to see Ionesco's The Bald Soprano at the National Theatre. As it happens sometimes with books, I only liked it after I left. I did enjoy it, but while I was in the theatre, I couldn't help feeling a bit uncomfortable, for some reason. I actually have lines from the play ringing in my head all day ever since, so I guess it did the trick. I'm sorry I'm not a good reviewer, I am too sensorial about my experiences sometimes. Then, yesterday, I went to the Vaya con Dios concert. I feel like I'm repeating these words, but my general impression was the venue was highly inappropriate. That specific concert should have happened with a maybe 200 people audience, in a fancier setting, because the band was definitely more of a jazz ensemble to me and the atmosphere should have been one of intimacy, considering their songs. Dani Klein's voice was made, indeed, for dimly lit concert halls, where you're close to the stage and can enjoy it to its full extent, but I was still impressed by her standing after all this time.
I can't wait to make my appointment for a new tattoo, but I think I'll do that next week. I'm happy to have found an artist whose work matches my idea of old style and I hope it'll come out better than I can imagine, it happened the same way with my first two. I'll be writing about it once it's done, so don't stray too far ;)

Spring is lazy, long live spring

Of course I've been lazy and didn't write a word. I also have been reading way too little and sleeping way too much. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie. Somehow, I behave like I'm tremendously tired, but actually I'm just lazy and haven't found yet that joie de vivre. Maybe it comes with spring. So here's what I've been up to.
I went to see the Idiot at the National and I got hooked. I liked it so much that Friday I hurried from work to also see Zenobia, but they were out of tickets. Anyway, I have a date with a friend for a musical this week and got tickets for a couple of plays this month. I was going to watch some Romanian films, but I guess I still have to find the energy to get off my ass and to the cinema.
Last week I was on duty and school also started again, I also had some translation and an application to write, so I guess I was pretty busy. Still, I haven't written the damn syllabus and I feel like my work at the newspaper is getting really dull and most of it is my fault.
Yesterday I cooked some glazed ribs on the grill and I thought about this being the recipe that will inaugurate my food section on the blog. I was too lazy to take pics, though. So maybe next time. I'm not sure yet, but maybe it'll be some pasta. Also, I'm making this year a travel around the world food year, so for this month I picked India. This means I plan to finally get to that Indian restaurant in town and cook Chicken tikka masala. That recipe I will definitely document, sometime next week, when I get all the ingredients.
If I haven't been writing (the blog is not so much of a problem, but my thesis is frozen), I've at least been swimming at least once a week and got to ski another weekend. However, I wish my cat could scold me and send me out jogging, I need more vitality and to get toned and anyway I just sit around watching Agatha Christie's Poirot. My meals have been less chaotic and I pride myself in picking fruits and vegetables over fast food every time I feel the urge.
I am such a small person to be concerned with just my schedule and mundane things. I somehow think once I get these out of the way, I will more fully enjoy the pleasures of the brain. But oh, well, I'm thinking again about making this just a private journal, I'm only writing to myself anyway.

Weekend update

I'm a lazy bastard, I know. However, I'm a busy lazy bastard. Last weekend I went to see A Midsummer Night's Dream at the local theater. Needless to say, I was charmed by the script and concept, but a little aghast (if that is possible in the English language) by part of the staging. At times, and those times were quite often, I felt like the director tried too hard. And tried too hard all over the place, both at the more intense scenes and while begging for a laugh. I did have a good laugh, I have to admit, and I must applaud the cast. So all in all, things even out.
Later on, the babe took me out for a drink and then we went dancing with more of our friends at The Rock is Rolling Party. Me, I had the best of times. I got bored once or twice and, goddess, most of the people annoyed me, but I danced my ass off and stayed till the end. It was good to see old faces and lose the grip for a while. However, I'm committing again to my goal of not wasting a night's sleep, because on Sunday I was high on lack of it and had no appetite. Also, I might be too old for this.
These past two weeks I've been going to the pool and swimming more and more laps. I can't wait for my next visit, because I really need some time in the sauna. My muscles hurt like hell after the sliding contest with my family this weekend. We went skiing and yesterday, after hitting the slopes and a late lunch we took our sliding gear and had some fun right next to the cabin. The snow was great and our mountain dog was thrilled to chase each and every one of us until the sun set and the ground really froze. The bruises and torn muscles are witness to that.
I went to a small birthday party this Friday. Our former dean is 70 and I was pleased to be invited. I felt a little weird, as only one other current PhD student came, but we were among the very few invited, so I guess they did want us there. I might have made some inappropriate jokes, such as "well, it's the last time girls will stand in line to kiss you", but I hope I got away with it. I was also presented with some nice opportunities, among which the invite to attend a lecture of a family demographer on Thursday and the chance to at least look at, if not join in, the work of a team of researchers who tangentially touch upon my subject of interest.
I also managed to survive what I like to call TGIP (thank goddess it's payday) on a Friday, post-Valentine's Day, which you may not think is much, but in my office is hard to complete successfully. I want to watch Les Miserables this week, but maybe in my next post I'll write a few words on Hotel Transylvania, I do feel like it. And, of course, as soon as I'm done with Rant, it definitely needs a couple of lines as well.

Rewind. Play

It's Easter morning and the cat is purring next to me in bed. Some seconds ago she yawned and meowed at the same time and it was so adorable I almost grew some sympathy for those crazy mothers who post tons of pictures of their babies on the internet. Caring for and nurturing another creature makes us better people and I hear it also helps fighting depression.
I haven't written here in quite a while, although I promised myself I would every week. Eventually, I got a push when I saw my friend's post on Mischievous Sweethearts, our blog that's been asleep for an year or so. Some things have changed since then, many have remained gloriously the same. I got in for PhD and last semester I taught the seminars to Introduction to Sociology, while this semester I'm doing Statistics and Social Policy. It's pretty much easier than I imagined and I really like teaching, although I always had my doubts about that. I haven't really been to my classes, as they overlap with the teaching, but there's time to catch up.
My baby boy and I, hopefully joined by many friends, are going to quite a bunch of concerts this summer. That list I had in my head when I was in high school of the bands I desperately wanted to see will almost be completely crossed over! Cool thing is the Transilvania Tattoo Expo falls right in between the festivals we already got tickets to, so June is going to be a blast for me. I love it we get to have so much fun together and I can almost touch the awesome summer coming our way.
Oh, what else? I've been cooking this and that, but not nearly as much as I wish to. However, I'm training to become a muffin master. Cupcakes will be the next natural step and in-between, I might try sponge cakes as well, my grandma's specialty. I always thought baking was hard and not fun at all, since I've always been more of a souffle and casserole kind of home chef. But we get along just fine, cake batters and me. I know I've said I'll be posting recipes tens of times, but maybe one day I can curve my excitement while cooking and take some pics and notes.
I have a new photo blog as well, I only started a month ago. The idea was to post a photo every day of something that made my day better. I've already slacked off a couple of times, but I keep posting and that's a good sign. So I'll make a couple of banners here with links to Mischievous and my Tumblr blog. Other than that... There's plenty of time to write, I guess, I just find excuses to spend my time watching TV shows and reading A Song of Ice and Fire as if it were "crack on paper".

A very grown-up 1st of June

 I spent a very grown-up Children's Day yesterday. I woke up very early to work on my dissertation and I cooked my own breakfast. I took the bus alongside the corporate slaves and did some work around the office. Then I went on a working trip and I had lunch with politicians. And when I finally got back to town I went to the dentist and didn't complain a bit. In the evening I was too beat to write a word and I did the only childish thing all day (aside from sticking my nose to the window of the car admiring the mountain landscapes). I watched Sailor Moon. It's a pleasure I allow myself every morning. I learn stuff and it really cheers me up.

On days like that I really enjoy being a journalist. I get to meet people and learn about how things actually work. By the things people try to impress you with or hide from you you can actually tell a lot about them, their work and their peer. I meet all sorts of mayors and councilmen and they all try to give you the impression that they are the only ones who put things into motion. But the thing you learn is not that things are actually being done, which is more than most people I know believe, but that communities have always evolved. That there have been times of poverty and times of wealth, that people don't just stand by. They work, they fix things, build new ones. On the other hand, not enough things are being done. There's leaking money everywhere, we should know, it's our job to find the faucet. But weird as it may seem in my line of work, I haven't lost my faith in people. Maybe it's because I've been raised to believe that hard work and education are powerful tools for getting ahead and I see that all around me. People complain. About everyone being liars and thieves and lazy. But even the bosses we hate worked harder than us and learned fast. Even the colleagues we may frown upon have their function in the mechanisms of the business or at least in the social clockwork built around it. I believe in the merits of meritocracy, but I never assume it's intrinsic to our social fiber or that it should be the law everywhere. I guess it makes it easier for me not to be frustrated about the things I learn everyday working at the newspaper. And doing the little research I get to do in between. But that's a story for another day.

A hard day's ramble

OK, so after two looong days in which I tried to catch up with all the work I'm years behind on I found a couple of minutes to post here my babbling from Mischievous Sweethearts. You should visit it, though, if you haven't already, my friend FoxyLove makes some really good points and is a gifted writer.
I, on the other hand, am the laziest person I know. Yes. Now I'm gonna complain again. I have two months left to write my dissertation and I barely have an idea for the research. I'm thinking of writing about the large percentage of people entitled to child rearing benefits who for several reasons don't receive it. I also have to write and publish an article if I really wanna become a PhD student this fall, as I've recently made up my mind. I'm exhausted and I can't even remember my own name, but here's hoping tomorrow will be less about walking around the city and doing housework and more about having some me time and hitting the books. Hopefully, I'll also get myself together to share the recipes I try every now and then. And more blabla about my plans.

Here's hoping

This spring started with a wonderful day. It was sunny but still a bit chill, the snow was melting and birds were singing like crazy. I didn't feel so good, though, but managed to get back on my feet and visit my parents for some conversation and my mother's amazing cooking. So all in all, I have high hopes from the rest of this year. It's going to be yet another turning point in my life and I'll try to take it a step at a time.
Two seasons have passed since I last wrote here and things have been weird. My cat is everything I imagined and more. Her unconditional affection and good energy make my whole day better when I get home and have helped me deal better with things by putting them into perspective. After she came into my life I had a few months of social isolation. I really enjoyed spending my time at home cooking and reading and all. But somehow in the winter I got pulled back into my crazy old ways, spending nights and money in search of fun, something that would take the edge off. Maybe it was because I had some extra work and was also stressed about my exams. Maybe it was because of the excitement of enjoying old friends' company and making new ones. But I eventually got tired. Good thing my course load is completed and my grades are better than ever and I also managed to gain some pennies on the side helping out with all sorts of academic stuff. Still, I feel like it was too much and I should fall off the radar again. I won't just stay at home. But I'll be searching for more self-fulfilling entertainment. Someone I follow on twitter said a while ago that fun is fast food, but joy is a four course meal.
So there is a lot to look forward to. It's the final countdown for foreign universities' PhD admissions and I should also take a step towards ensuring myself a spot here at home. For the last semester I'll be working on my dissertation and getting the scholarship would help so much. I want to keep working at the newspaper for as long as I can because experience in a field, even remotely connected to my area of interest, is quite something on a resume. Also, I'll be trying to keep close to the university staff and lend a hand anytime they need it, maybe next year we'll be some sort of colleagues.
I intend to keep writing as often as I get the chance here because I use it as a diary and it really helps me put things in my head in order. There are two other online projects I've been or will be working on. It's a blog I write with a friend and an events website where I'll probably be writing reviews. Because I wanna be out doing all these things I love - concerts, theater, movies and so on. I want to put my money to a better use than just cocktails and drunken mornings. I'm compiling a wish list and I'm trying to figure out how to manage all the things I want to do for myself. I've always been busy so this is nothing new to me, except for the fact that I finally feel like I can see where I'm going and I have a strategy for how to make the trip both effective and delightful. So here's hoping that my plans will work out better than expected because, you know what?, I finally believe I deserve it.

On the road again

I don't even know what I wanna say about my weekend at the bikers' reunion. I had times I felt I didn't belong there, but I guess a party is a party and it's not just for those who throw it. Late Thursday night I get a message from the babe asking me if it's crazy to just go the next day over to this reunion so she can surprise her boyfriend. And I thought 'meh' and went back to sleep.
But I woke up asking myself why the hell not. So I went to work, hurried with the articles and early afternoon we were out hitchhiking. It didn't take a minute before a truck picked us up. He was a nice fellow and being on the road was so refreshing. After that a younger guy coming from Germany took us another bit of the way and then a guy who lives nearby the town we were headed to.
Whatever. So we were there. We found the people to hang with. Had a few beers. I had some kind of cheap liquor, I almost danced but hardly kept my balance. I know we walked around all night, but can't really remember the order of events.
Anyhow, the next day I was bored or sleepy or something. I didn't even have an appetite, but we went to lunch to this nearby restaurant. The potatoes were too salty and I couldn't eat my chicken. So then I just had some cotton candy and went to sleep. I finally got back to beer and we had a laugh and I made a daisy wreath. There was a concert of some Hungarian metal band and I got lost for a while and that's about it. Cause we all went to bed early. There was this guy in our room snoring like a truck. We left early in the morning with some friends' car. When I got back here I felt I was gonna suffocate. In all possible ways.
So all in all, it was a fun trip. I met a lot of people I'll probably not be seeing again, but the point is I got out of this concrete jail for a while. And yes, I've been leaving all the fun stuff aside, but that's mine to keep.

This morning I went to work...

... but because electricity was down, ended up having a cup (or two) of wine on the staircase. I had to attend a meeting at the City Hall around noon, so I had some time to waste. Went for a lemonade at Bulgakov and then looking for a bike. Waited the whole local council meeting to ask the mayor for an interview and he blew me off in five seconds. So I decided to go to the movies, but stopped on the way to see another bike store. That's when my dad called and picked me up to buy some pouffes I've been looking for. We went to lunch and to check on my brother. Then he wanted to show me the furniture he'd just purchased, so I went to the furniture store. And to the nearby supermarket to buy a kitchen clock (which, turns out, was broken). I was thinking all day about some hot dogs, but I wanted to try out my new can opener, so now I'm standing here in my underwear, cause it's freaking hot even in the evening, eating beans and sausages and I was so amused by how twisted the day was, I couldn't help sharing.
Also, I must write about TIFF as soon as possible, it's been a week or two already. Also, about my weekend in Hungary at the baths. About the lousy season finales I've been watching. And what not.

Do you believe in life after love?

After having "Oh, Susana" playing on and on in my head for days, today it's Cher. It's like the annoying songs of my childhood have all decided to haunt me this winter. I'm trying to counterbalance it by caroling around the house. Problem is I start humming on the street as well. Yesterday it was "Take me to the riot". It's a hell of a musical December.
So I was thinking of a smashing holiday schedule, which includes children movies, lots of food and occasionally some witty jazz. But that's for next week, cause I'm so caught up with procrastinating right now. I'm even three days behind on a mid-something paper deadline. My procrastination today includes tortellini and shopping for bathroom accessories. Moving out next month has given me such an amazing list of projects to set in motion and then drop before they're done. Like making a catalog of all the books in the house. Or chronologically ordering my classes and projects of the last like ten years. Stuff that implies paper and dust and a bitter taste of guilt for all those trees.
Whatever I had on my mind when I started writing this post is lost somewhere but I guess it was in one way or another just bragging about my very own place. I'm getting the room painted as well and I've been obsessed with peach for a long time. But this morning I was thinking it's either too pink and girlish, either too beige and boring. I found some awesome examples on the web and now I think it's actually more of an orange, which makes it both feng shui and trendy (hahahahaha). Anyway, it may have actually been a great idea all along. It does require a change of plans in terms of rug and curtains, but oh, well, if I can't do plans, what the hell am I good at?
The kids start holiday today, but I just had to leave my presentation for the last minute, so now I'm still going next week. Somehow I guess I do like it, especially when I'm heading home and the whole city is on fire. It is crazy, but man how I love those Christmas lights. The snowflakes, the bells, the crazy colored trees. I wonder if there's some reindeer this year anywhere. Never been one for winter holidays, but this year is the first time I don't have work to do and I'm gonna lazy around them bravely.
I've read Palahniuk's "Diary" and I did love his writing, but I guess there's always expectations after reading a book or two. I maybe wanted his writing to be so violent it makes my head spin, to leave the meanings behind the line of obvious, to be drawn into almost snuff stories. Instead, I found a recipe that was pretty predictable, a story of a community ruthlessly striving for independence and well-being, an underlying discourse of exploitation of women as housewives, as scapegoats, as free sources of production mainly through marriage. Of course, what I read is so much of my own mind and I bet one of the wonderful things about his art is that you can be terrified and amused at the same time, looking at larger meaning or just experiencing sensations.
OMG I can't wait for snow. The house wine and gingerbread taste different after a day of sleighing. I feel that all the mean energy of this year is already fading away and the next one's gonna be a blast.
Well, I've had time to think it through and maybe I'm too good for you.

Somewhere over the rainbow

I still don't like the banner, but I can live with the hope I'll be able to get some amazing forest photos this autumn so I can change it. That's what I live on nowadays. Hopes. And dreams of being free. Free from all the CEU bullshit. Because I'm not done with my thesis and I should be by Thursday. And I can't write. I just can't. I'd do anything but. I know it takes self-discipline. But while hating myself so much for staring at the screen and not writing, I feel like it's the too much love I have for myself that allows me to indulge in such laziness. Anybody out there reading this, say a little prayer for me, so that on Friday I'll be submitting these chains in Budapest and finally just be.
After coming back home I've started to realize more and more that all my M.A. year has been a delay of where I'll be getting now. Being afraid I won't get my diploma, I cannot feel its value added to my life. Except for the wonderful people I've been around, I guess I did hate it most of the times but was too proud to admit to myself that something I wanted so bad could go so wrong. I missed out on some employment opportunities by going away and now I'll probably be jobless for another half year at least. I want to go to the same master's I would've done last year, so it's like I just exited a time loop. Just one year older, extremely exhausted and tied up to a paper I never wanted to write. Not to mention my body is all screwed up because of the sedentary life and bad bad diet.
I am thrilled to be back home. In a weird way, I like living with my parents and having them breathe down my neck when I have work to do, asking questions about where I'm going or just reminding me of how I'm always annoyed by something and that I should stop. I like being taken care of, as much tough love that implies. I've started seeing people I've missed for so long and there are more I need to call (if only I were done with that stupid paper) and it is rather comforting to see how we've all started to move at different paces from some moment in time.
This summer I went to two weddings and it felt wonderful to dress up and have people tell me how I've grown so so pretty. I went hiking and when I came home the sky was no longer wide enough here and all I wanted to do was pack and move back to a tent at over 2000 meters. I went to see my grandparents and help out in the garden, pick fruits and play with children, met my childhood friends and amazed at how much we did actually grow up. Well, at least some of us. I went out and had shots and made all the wrong decisions and damn it was exciting. I went on late night walks and found a swing that's not too small for me and a boy who would never forget to show me the moon. Life is beautiful out there, beyond my stupid dissertation. As soon as I'm done, I can go back to feeling the magic. I can go dancing and wait for the sunrise, hell, it's open season soon.

Pink-vanilla

The summer sky is still pink-vanilla each day. I can't remember exactly when the rainy days stopped in Budapest. The second day in Prague was pretty fun. We went first on a boat tour. On our way to the deck, we looked for the swans we met the day before, but they were sunbathing somewhere else.
I then wanted to go check out the shopping streets, excited about my mum's suggestion to get something nice as a birthday present (of course, she found out only two days ago how much I had spent before going on my trip, so it was a good idea not to indulge). As it was really hot, we headed towards the old center to find some bench in the shades. But we came across a nice market, where I bought silly souvenirs made of wood. No Prague logos on them, just pretty things for the children within us. We somehow got to the castle and the sun had to shine right on top of our heads as were going up the hill. But it was really beautiful.
Later on we had a beer on some stairs and a photo shooting in front of the Romanian embassy. Tried for hours to find a place to dine and ended up at the global fast-food. We were so tired, we only went to sleep at midnight and spent time talking in the dark. It felt like camp.
In Bratislava we encountered (much too) good weather and our wonderfully hospitable colleague waiting at the bus station. Here we saw the castle first and then the city center. Bratislava is indeed quite small. Having lunch was another quest, successful this time, ended up paying six euro for a two-course meal and a beer. Pretty amazing for the area. After another walk the thirst got to me and had to find a supermarket. So we also found the Bratislava shopping street. After our guide left, we spent two or three hours on a bench. It was so hot and our bags felt so heavy and uncomfortable, that we just gossiped until it was time to take the bus. I freaked out when it was late, of course. Luckily, it wasn't full and we found pretty convenient seats. The first shower home was an orgasm.
I spent the last three days trying to convince myself to start writing my internship paper. I am lazy and I am freaked out I won't pass and in between I'm paralyzed. I managed to read some today and I have a picture in my head of how the paper will be structured. Maybe tomorrow is a lucky day. I didn't do bad today. I'm back on track with quitting the bad stuff and getting used to a healthy life style. Almost fainted because of too much time in the sauna, but I'll insist.