Sunday, April 21, 2013

A personal brand of ecstasy

I'm back. And I must admit that my absence was due to a long period of lazyness combined with continuous sleazy partying. It's not that I haven't been doing anything, I've just been doing a lot of bad things. But I know how it goes, it's ups and downs and I'm feeling an upward trend is on, so I want to keep growing.
But here are the highlights. Bear with me, I know this is annoying, but I need to keep track of myself in writing. The trip to Serbia was great. I keep joking about the fact that for the first time in my life I felt like an Italian cherrybomb actress who's surrounded by lighters before she even takes the cigarette to her mouth. I went there with the group from the local department of the national television. They were most galant and fun to be around. The trip by car was beautiful, it went from rain to snow in the mountains and sun along the Danube. At the forum I got to meet a few cool fellow journalists and learn a lot. I presented a paper on networking for journalists and the new media. Donji Milanovac, where we were staying, is a nice quiet small town right along the Danube and I loved the sights. The only thing I did not like generally is the food, but I survived. I'm really glad I got to be a part of this and I hope it opened up new opportunities for me.
When I got back the crazy partying began. I guess it's because I was tired and stressed out. It's only been three nights, but it feels like I lost two weeks. However, that first week, I got to go to a box sparring and a book launch, things that were equally new to me. I generally avoided book launches because I only care for talks about books I've read already. It's a weird thing, I know. Last Sunday, just like today, I went out walking/hiking with my parents. At least somebody is willing to get out of the city and into the green, cause I long for it every day.
Talking of longing, I had a terrible time on Friday. I was tired, someone yelled at me, I had an anxiety atack, and by the time I was done with work, I was a wreck. But I felt a bit of hope as I realized I got out in time to go see a play I've had my heart set on for months (Zenobia). As I was walking towards the theatre, I wasn't feeling broken or empty, there was just a crazy storm inside of me, that pushed from the inside. Unfortunately, they didn't have any more tickets, but I got some for yesterday (La rascruce de vanturi). I can't really comment on the play, it gave me mixed feelings, like most do. At times I enjoyed it, at other times I just wanted to leave. But then something happened. I woke up obsessed, with a special kind of high. And I've been thinking about it all morning. I've also been thinking about this indescribable feeling I get at the theatre. It's not the storytelling, and it's not so much the acting. I imagine this is what the true believers feel like in church. A sense of communion, of feeding on blood and body, of both catharsis and revelation. I've always believed this kind of hysteria comes from the running energies and I can see why in that hall, in the dark, they get stronger and stronger. It must be the best rush in the world to be on that stage.

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