Monday, February 16, 2009

Confessions of a maniac

I can't decide whether I like or hate laundry day. I think that I actually just hate the laundry machines. They always leave detergent stains on the black clothes, which today I had to rinse by hand. Moreover, the drier is going crazy. When it dries the clothes, they shrink a lot. Last time it only dried them half and I had to lay them all around the room. Today, it almost dried them, so now the cotton stuff is wrinkled, the pullovers are covering the room and I have to do the inconceivable for a student: iron. I am not really complaining, as people who know me well have figured I fold my socks and have a weird preference for orderliness and cleaning. I have tens and tens of boxes. I like things in their own place. I mean it in centimeters. Not just in their own drawer. In. Their. Own. Place. It's not that I don't know how to be spontaneous. I've always been that. But I'm growing scared of it and I'm trying to reach a state of control over my life. The little things in my life, I mean. I'm always late and I am obsessed with the clock the first half an hour after i wake up. By the time I have to go out through the door, I always feel like I've got five more minutes. Until I'm twenty late. That's why you need things to be tidy. It takes fifteen minutes to get dressed, brush, put make-up on and throw things in a bag. God knows what I do with the other one hour and a half. I am spontaneous when I make the big decisions. When I get a boyfriend or apply to a school. But if I want to see an exhibition or a play, I need to plan two weeks in advance. It is quite probable in the last moment I will be too lazy to go. Being a maniac who cleans around a lot and has all drawers organized does not make me a balanced person. It just gives me one more issue to obsess over. Not to mention food. I think I have already planned what I will be eating for the next three weeks. But I know at one point I will just get pissed and eat some junk food while feeling guilty for all wrongs in the world for doing that. Working out is not working for me right now. I was planning to go jogging. Yesterday it was snowing in the morning, but in the afternoon it was nice and shiny. Of course, I was too bored and hungry to get out. Now it's sort of snowing, but they've opened the gym. I don't feel like it. I guess I'll try to take it easier. Three times a week should do. And only stairs. I love making plans. Plans. Plans. Plans. My favorite things. Schedules and lists, oh my! They do change all the time. I never remember them. But oh, how I enjoy the making. I think it's some sort of down to earth species of dreaming. I can't imagine otherwise why I waste time making sure I don't waste time. Just saying.

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