Watching 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' makes you long for being in love so badly and then it just cures you back. It made me laugh inside at remembering what it's like to be loved the Spanish way, the shouting at each other in the streets and the constant sway from tenderness to hate. I feel like it's also a beautiful portrayal of how differently women love and how they can all be loved for what they are. Cristina's struggle to find what she wants and Vicky's ambiguous feelings, Maria Elena's crazy passion... I find them all within us and Woody Allen has done such a good job at telling a candid story that makes you all warm and fuzzy and confused and amused. I'm not good at writing reviews because I always go back to my emotional reactions. But the cast did such a wonderful job, I can't help being amazed.
Rainy day in Budapest, just like at home. I was planning to go jogging tomorrow, but I'll have to settle for a longer walk in the rain. I've been doing some reading today and I'm now hoping to cover most of everything tomorrow. I'm in a good place right now. I do complain a lot to everybody, but I even have a slight idea for a PhD research proposal. I'm still going to seek help. At least until I can have the blurriest idea of what I want. I like this rain. I could stare at it for hours.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Detox
Yeah, it's morning and I'm detoxing. All the smoke and beer was really a bad boost for my low self-esteem. I wanna give up on it. I'm gonna start a one month trial. To get a better grip of myself and learn to deal with things when I'm sober.
It was extremely lovely yesterday. After the economic crisis seminar I took a walk in the park and smiled to myself because finally we had a sunny day in Budapest. The fine arts museum was pretty impressive, all that huge building and the way it was designed to welcome you in an overwhelming way. The El Greco exhibition was brought in from Prado, so I've seen the pieces before, but not in such a comprehensive way. I feel his paintings, especially the early ones, are so powerful. There is this dramatic background, especially the sky, that is grave and even grim. And the way he highlights eyes and hair has this mesmerizing thing. But I think one of his most impressive tools in creating this powerful art is the prolonged and sometimes slightly blurred faces and body shapes, which is fluid in a way, but I just feel it's kinda like being in a dream. Well, I also got to see the Egyptian exhibition, I love so much looking at all the tiny hieroglyphs and being absolutely oblivious. The permanent exhibition was pretty cool. I think Prado is not that much cooler than this. I'm starting to resent all the Middle Ages painting. But I still love the Spanish and the Brits. The French guys are getting boring, although I've seen some impressionist pieces. I've actually been in front of a Gauguin. I know it sounds silly, but for me it was an event. What I found most surprising is that the late German painters are amazingly playful in a very to the point way. I don't know if I can express it. And oh, I would have taken one specific painting home, I don't even recall the name or the painter. It was a huge, slightly impressionist piece of an alley in autumn. It was all color and warmth but also an expectation of a slight chill wind. I loved it so so much. I got tired after two hours of walking around circling rooms holding my head back and my eyes were just blurred after all that brush stroke they've been checking out. I gave up on the idea of coffee, I need excuses to go more often to the park. So I took a nap and it was so comforting to be in bed on a sunny afternoon.
Of course it's back cloudy again. I didn't like Instant that much. It's just some sort of Szimpla and the dancing place is horrifying. Beer is reasonable compared to other places and it's so so crowded. I don't think I'm gonna go around this kind of places anytime soon. I'm easily bored by the same environments when I know there's so much to see out there. And I'm definitely not the artsy underground kind of person. There is somewhere out there a place where I fit perfectly. Finding the perfect spot is a highly demanding quest. You have to go around a lot of shitty places till you find a second home. But when it's there, oh, the feeling you finally belong.
It was extremely lovely yesterday. After the economic crisis seminar I took a walk in the park and smiled to myself because finally we had a sunny day in Budapest. The fine arts museum was pretty impressive, all that huge building and the way it was designed to welcome you in an overwhelming way. The El Greco exhibition was brought in from Prado, so I've seen the pieces before, but not in such a comprehensive way. I feel his paintings, especially the early ones, are so powerful. There is this dramatic background, especially the sky, that is grave and even grim. And the way he highlights eyes and hair has this mesmerizing thing. But I think one of his most impressive tools in creating this powerful art is the prolonged and sometimes slightly blurred faces and body shapes, which is fluid in a way, but I just feel it's kinda like being in a dream. Well, I also got to see the Egyptian exhibition, I love so much looking at all the tiny hieroglyphs and being absolutely oblivious. The permanent exhibition was pretty cool. I think Prado is not that much cooler than this. I'm starting to resent all the Middle Ages painting. But I still love the Spanish and the Brits. The French guys are getting boring, although I've seen some impressionist pieces. I've actually been in front of a Gauguin. I know it sounds silly, but for me it was an event. What I found most surprising is that the late German painters are amazingly playful in a very to the point way. I don't know if I can express it. And oh, I would have taken one specific painting home, I don't even recall the name or the painter. It was a huge, slightly impressionist piece of an alley in autumn. It was all color and warmth but also an expectation of a slight chill wind. I loved it so so much. I got tired after two hours of walking around circling rooms holding my head back and my eyes were just blurred after all that brush stroke they've been checking out. I gave up on the idea of coffee, I need excuses to go more often to the park. So I took a nap and it was so comforting to be in bed on a sunny afternoon.
Of course it's back cloudy again. I didn't like Instant that much. It's just some sort of Szimpla and the dancing place is horrifying. Beer is reasonable compared to other places and it's so so crowded. I don't think I'm gonna go around this kind of places anytime soon. I'm easily bored by the same environments when I know there's so much to see out there. And I'm definitely not the artsy underground kind of person. There is somewhere out there a place where I fit perfectly. Finding the perfect spot is a highly demanding quest. You have to go around a lot of shitty places till you find a second home. But when it's there, oh, the feeling you finally belong.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Sit back, relax
Yesterday evening I went to this fancy-looking bar downtown called Take Five. They had a random Wednesday, with young musicians jamming. I found it extremely chill. I felt that I can just be. The drummer was amazing, they were all doing a head-spinning change of rhythm and style till it got from jazzy to electro. That was a nice learning experience, being able to sit and let it all flow in front of my eyes.
And damn, I woke up so refreshed and now I'm a little like a jelly after a long day in the university. The girls took me to lunch in this place called Oregano, which to me looks like Roosevelt (or whatever it's called) and the food is relatively less tasty. But I'm in for the new. As long as I'm not broke.
I've been going through Alanis' 'Jagged Little Pill' again and I find it ageless. I think I'm growing soft over music, but I've been quite nostalgic over some stuff I have on my CDs. I now expect the feds to come in and arrest me after the Head's speech today about what means to steal stuff from people. I can get it that plagiarism is an issue in an academic setting, but when the Russians will stop providing us movies via different net pipes, can you imagine how sad conversations will be? I guess I'd just adapt and continue loving documentaries even more (not tech stuff though, they have to be fierce to impress me). But for now, long live streaming and somebody tell the Megavideo people it's really uncool to wait an hour just to watch half an episode. Word.
And damn, I woke up so refreshed and now I'm a little like a jelly after a long day in the university. The girls took me to lunch in this place called Oregano, which to me looks like Roosevelt (or whatever it's called) and the food is relatively less tasty. But I'm in for the new. As long as I'm not broke.
I've been going through Alanis' 'Jagged Little Pill' again and I find it ageless. I think I'm growing soft over music, but I've been quite nostalgic over some stuff I have on my CDs. I now expect the feds to come in and arrest me after the Head's speech today about what means to steal stuff from people. I can get it that plagiarism is an issue in an academic setting, but when the Russians will stop providing us movies via different net pipes, can you imagine how sad conversations will be? I guess I'd just adapt and continue loving documentaries even more (not tech stuff though, they have to be fierce to impress me). But for now, long live streaming and somebody tell the Megavideo people it's really uncool to wait an hour just to watch half an episode. Word.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Like a virgin
I can't wait for morning to come since I got that great home made white cheese. I also have home made butter and jam and I just bought some radish and green onions. Life is good when the food is tasty and the last days it's been in and out, I've been daydreaming and forgetting to eat. I keep planning a tidy life and I sometimes slip, but I think few people have this maniac obsession with having everything in its right place at the right time. I have boxes and boxes and every pencil has its spot. Organizing makes me feel in control. And keeps me busy.
I'm going to some jam session tonight and I'm planning to hit the El Greco exhibition Friday afternoon. Thing is I feel like I don't live in Budapest. And I'm gonna miss it. So for Friday I'm thinking Global Economic Crisis seminar, it's compulsory anyway, and then lunch in the park and Museum of Fine Arts. Later on, a decaf with chocolate and whipped cream at Gloria Jean's and I can be happy for a while. I'm thinking about starting a little photo project by myself, with my crappy compact camera, just to get me out of the house. If I don't put in practice my crazy plans of jumping on the bus to Bratislava on Saturday, and if the weather allows, I'll be taking photos of the Budapest railway stations. I do need to work my ass off this weekend. Maybe next weekend looks better for Bratislava and I'll have time to convince people to tag along. Yeeeey! I love making plans. I think I'll start easy this week. But start somewhere. There is plenty of time and I've got plenty of life. Sounds strange coming from the whiny little person I used to know I was.
I'm going to some jam session tonight and I'm planning to hit the El Greco exhibition Friday afternoon. Thing is I feel like I don't live in Budapest. And I'm gonna miss it. So for Friday I'm thinking Global Economic Crisis seminar, it's compulsory anyway, and then lunch in the park and Museum of Fine Arts. Later on, a decaf with chocolate and whipped cream at Gloria Jean's and I can be happy for a while. I'm thinking about starting a little photo project by myself, with my crappy compact camera, just to get me out of the house. If I don't put in practice my crazy plans of jumping on the bus to Bratislava on Saturday, and if the weather allows, I'll be taking photos of the Budapest railway stations. I do need to work my ass off this weekend. Maybe next weekend looks better for Bratislava and I'll have time to convince people to tag along. Yeeeey! I love making plans. I think I'll start easy this week. But start somewhere. There is plenty of time and I've got plenty of life. Sounds strange coming from the whiny little person I used to know I was.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Library hours
I was laughing so hard I almost feel off the chair. I don't fit. Even my headphones are too loud, my typing too violent, my silent laugh annoying. It's funny all in all, I hold a book near and read the first pages a few times before I realise I don't pay any attention. I get to conclusions before I go to class, but it's not because of really reading the texts. It works out just fine. But oh, how I laughed today.
I am addicted. I usually tend to become that to a lot of things. I have grown over phones, but I hardly get by a day without a computer. I need to hear the keyboard and I love the feeling when I move the tip of my fingers over the glossy keys. I have my shortcuts, my dramas, my work, all in there. My lies too. Part of them. It's easy to grow fond of things that can serve you as a friend. Alcohol does that sometimes. He is more like an old friend, though. Knows all your dark secrets and tells you to spit it all out, sing like a canary, be vulnerable and screw it all up because when he's gone, you won't have time to get bored busy with building your sand castles again. But computers, they are wise guys. They keep secrets and let you obsess over things as many times as you want and never wait for their time to speak.
We've grown mental, but that's allright. It's warm today in CEU and raining outside, just like it was raining when I left and time just waited for me to come back. He said I was healed. I don't think so. But I am hungry for life again. Hungry for the outdoors and the smell of novels, for images and sounds and dancing and worrying.
Hardcore month coming ahead. Hardcore indeed and it's gonna bring more light and tiny green leaves at some point. So that in spring we can all pretend to be in love, at least with ourselves. So that we can pull the pretty shoes and dresses out of the closets and dust the skeletons when we get bored. That kind of stuff. ;)
I am addicted. I usually tend to become that to a lot of things. I have grown over phones, but I hardly get by a day without a computer. I need to hear the keyboard and I love the feeling when I move the tip of my fingers over the glossy keys. I have my shortcuts, my dramas, my work, all in there. My lies too. Part of them. It's easy to grow fond of things that can serve you as a friend. Alcohol does that sometimes. He is more like an old friend, though. Knows all your dark secrets and tells you to spit it all out, sing like a canary, be vulnerable and screw it all up because when he's gone, you won't have time to get bored busy with building your sand castles again. But computers, they are wise guys. They keep secrets and let you obsess over things as many times as you want and never wait for their time to speak.
We've grown mental, but that's allright. It's warm today in CEU and raining outside, just like it was raining when I left and time just waited for me to come back. He said I was healed. I don't think so. But I am hungry for life again. Hungry for the outdoors and the smell of novels, for images and sounds and dancing and worrying.
Hardcore month coming ahead. Hardcore indeed and it's gonna bring more light and tiny green leaves at some point. So that in spring we can all pretend to be in love, at least with ourselves. So that we can pull the pretty shoes and dresses out of the closets and dust the skeletons when we get bored. That kind of stuff. ;)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Now, really
I'm going mental. I know I write a lot of bullshit. I only want to write when I'm messed up and when I sit down only nonsense comes out. It's deadline season. This week, one policy brief. I'll be writing on WWF. Maybe I'll publish here an executive summary. Should be fun. Next week another one, on subsidized medicine and an essay on the social function of corruption, based on the discussion of informal exchanges in former socialist countries. Sounds fun? Just getting started, the deadline for a take-home exam is getting closer and I'll still have two papers to go. An essay for ethics and a research paper for rural development. Not much, 3000 words each. It's gonna be fine in the end. I always finish papers by deadline and some are quite nice. This year it's crowded, but I'll be writing two of them at home. Yep, eight days from now, I'm home. Or on the way, at least. Booked my ticket already. Yes, I'm a bit nuts. Hope it all starts making sense when I get everything over with. Because then I have to start thinking of internships and thesis topics and applications and following projects and lots lots of stuff. Real life might be much like this.
Porn chicks try to hard
Desperate women everywhere... what do they reach out for? Why do they keep hoping, why do they sell and torture themselves? I wish I knew what drives us, where from we get the strength to take all the shit every day. I guess it's where we make the biggest mistakes too. Craving was only designed for whatever is forbidden. We sacrifice the most for the most stupid things. The good ones come easy. We just don't want to go easy.
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