Dear 2015

I've just read a few bits about what you have in store for me and I it seems all the horoscopes agree on the major issues. I'll be working smarter and maybe harder and it will not go unnoticed. Although I was looking for a career change, you seem like the kind to take it easy. They say it'll not be about changing paths, but about being promoted. Also, completing a huge task this fall that I'll be getting to full speed in the spring. It sounds like the stars support me in my main objective of finishing my PhD this year. This will put me on my desired career track, they say.
Now that I've changed homes and gotten engaged, you will be the year I settle down for real and start growing roots. I'm more of an anchor kind of girl, so it will be a pretty big change in the way I relate to everything. What I want most is to practice kindness and to be aware of the things I need to grow. Really, most of all I want structure, so that I can enjoy this life of emotional comfort while navigating smoothly through tasks that usually drain me.
All in all, you seem like a nice year, with nice money (although they all recommend me to save and make the right decisions), constant work towards things I've wanted for myself (but without outstanding changes) and a good life with my loved ones. Honestly, I am still so beat after 2014, all of this looks great to me. Cheers!

Womanifesto

(I'm one year behind with this, I know. But it just feels I'm at that moment when I need to reassert by beliefs and self-love and put everything down so I can come back to them when in doubt. This is my womanifesto.)

I own myself and my happiness.
I choose whether to be happy or sad, not the people around me, not the things that happen to me.
I do not owe anybody to be happy, to look healthy or to be perfect.
I am whiny and bitchy, I get lazy and am a mess, but it's all me and I love it.
I will not measure my success by outside standards.
I am not worth how much money I make. I am not worth how beautiful people think I am.
I believe in education and I want to keep learning for the rest of my life.
I believe in stability, but I will pull my anchor and move on when I choose to.
I believe in food, in its comforting and educational potential.
My body will be a reflection of me and not some farfetched standards others will project upon me.
My clothes will be my costumes and I will play any character I'd like any given day.
My tattoos are a part of me and even more. My tattoos empower me.
My cat is an extension of me. Her love is the only constant in my life.
My career will be kindness. No matter how I make a living, I will strive to be kind.
My love is not unconditional. I will not give it to those who don't want or abuse it.
My choice and pleasure will surpass social convention and others' expectations.
I am not moral, incorruptible, honest or humble. I am human and I make mistakes.
I cherish my life experience, my family and my true friends. I am here because of them.
I will allow myself to be overwhelming, embarassing, shameless and crazy.
I will love myself for all the things I am. And I will change whenever I feel like.
I will be selfish. And empathic to the verge of stupid. It is not a contradiction.
At the end of the day, it's just me. And I love it.

An alternate story

I went on Thursday to see my first musical, except for the ones seen on screen, of course. I had good seats at the Hungarian Opera's Erzsebet Bathory and I have to admit I didn't think for a second about the time or how much longer will the show go on. So I did enjoy it. Some of the songs were Eurovision material, but that's just me and I don't pretend to know much about it. But the show was dynamic and the storytelling marvelous.
Elisabeth Bathory is credited with an unofficial number of over 650 victims in the chronicles of the time. Hundreds of villagers spoke against her at the trial and accused her of beatings, torture and murder. The show at the Hungarian Opera presents a different story, that of a countess accused of crimes she did not commit, who, during the interrogations, tells the story of her life. Somehow, the story is structured as a fairy tale, in which the princess is under arrest in a castle, locked down by the evil character. A savior appears and he slowly unravels her story and the truth. However, the ending is that of a tragedy, for several characters are killed or sentenced to death.
As others have mentioned, the story gives an alternate reason to Bathory's reputation of being a prolific serial killer. Palatine Thurzo, assigned by King Matthias II to investigate the alleged murders and tortures, was, in this story, a friend of Bathory's deceased husband and had lusted for her for years. The Hungarian king and nobility also had an interest in removing her, as she inherited a considerable fortune.

Throughout the show, the image of the countess remains dignified and I particularly liked her song after being sentenced to death, in which she says, in a nutshell, that she'd rather die than bow down to her accusers and that a Bathory has a moral responsibility to keep her head high. The countess was known not only for her beauty, but also for her brains. She was fluent in four languages in an era when some noblemen could hardly read and write and took care of all her husband's estates and business while he was away at war and after his death. A strong Protestant woman was definitely not something to have around in those times, and such practices of discrediting popular figures were not new to the Hungarian crown.
Some 150 years before, the other Matthias king, Corvinus, is credited by some historians as the creator of the legend of Dracula. While Vlad Tepes, supposedly the original vampire, was incarcerated by his cousin the king, rumors spread throughout the region, mostly through the stories of German merchants, that he liked to drink the blood of his victims. Even his name, Tepes, means the Impaler, because this was his favorite punishment method. However, it was a popular means of awe and terror in those times around Europe. As the use and consumption of blood was considered a thing of the devil in those times, it's easy to imagine how the rumors spread and became scarier and scarier.
Bathory fascinated legions of Black Metal songwriters as the most bloody woman there was. She fascinates me, on the other hand, as a very controversial historical character. The hypothesis of the conspiracy against her is at least notable, especially if we look at the years... the accusations against her started soon after her husband's death. She was known for her vanity and her bad temper, yet she seemed composed enough to manage several estates and intervened to help women among her subjects. Maybe we should not forget who wrote the history, how men in positions of power manipulated information in the Dark Ages and how, all in all, this particular story is on so many levels a story of the struggle for power.

Of love and peace

 photo by Gregory Maiofis via the near and the elsewhere

I'm sitting here with the cat purring on my chest, stretching her little claws and grinding away anything bad left in my world. Loss is supposed to make us sad and empty. But all I've been feeling these past few days is happy. And loved. I get home and get cooking and suddenly it's quiet and I'm at peace. I slide down the slope blinded by snow and I'm feeling so lucky. I want to share all that from now on. I've been saying it every year, right? It's six years since I started blogging and I don't think half my posts are still here anymore. However, I want to make a fresh start of it. Maybe this time it sticks.

I've been thinking about things to share that will take me further from the personal gibberish I've been writing so far. So it should be recipes, movies, books, plays, records, workouts, cats, you know, the things that make me tick. I'll be trying to make a schedule so that I'm around here at least twice a week. I'm still at the newspaper so maybe I'll pick an issue every week to discuss, maybe it will help me brush up on my opinion pieces style. I hope I do get my work on the thesis going again so I might write a monthly update of my progress and most inspiring or surprising discoveries. I don't know what else, but I miss writing and it's high time I got those thoughts I have on the bus somewhere safe, where I can revisit them.
It's always a new start with me. I have amazing plans for myself and I'm trying to replace worrying with dreaming. Maybe I'll tell you some more next time about this journalism convention I've been invited to and the research seminars I want to apply for. Hopefully I get to go to both!

Birthday girl!

I'm turning 26 in a couple of days. I'm 26 and the world can't miss a single opportunity to make me feel like a little girl every day. There's chores and readings piling up, there's people I need to deal with, there's aging I start to worry about, and there's a huge black hole where my future plans should be. And still, I eat chocolate for breakfast, I sing to myself on the street, I wear age inappropriate clothing and my bed sheets have bears at a country fair on them.
And because I am a little girl at heart, I demand presents, tons and tons of them, for my birthday! I want a picnic and I want cake and I want people to tell me I'm still so young. I've been thinking about a wishlist. This is my wishlist and everything here is things I want to buy for myself, but cannot afford to yet or cannot find them anymore. So here it is.

1. Unif Hellbounds

These shoes look so wicked and have such great reviews in terms of comfort, I couldn't stop thinking about them for weeks now. The platform is huge, but there is barely any arching, so they're made in order to never be taken off. I wouldn't :D

2. Kindle Wi-Fi

Every time I get near a Kindle I skip a breath. You people know my bookworm addictions and now that I have this huge collection of Kindle books on my laptop, that I read on the smart phone's screen, all I want is a really good e-book reader, one that does not reflect light, gives me the opportunity to store and categorize my library and is slick and beautiful, just like the Kidle.

3. Moschino I Love Love

After working for almost a year in a perfumery (as a L'Oreal beauty adviser), I've tried virtually every fragrance there was on the market at the time. Though I had love for a Versace and maybe a Hugo Boss, I hearted Moschino's Cheap and Chic collection most, out of which I declared I Love Love to be my favorite perfume yet. It's fresh and fruity, but light and adorable. However, I've always seemed to find a reason not to buy it, although it is one of the fragrances in the medium priced category. Soon, very soon :P

4. Movie reviewer's notebook

I saw this a couple of weeks ago and I heart it so much. I seemed quite expensive, so I didn't get it, but my heart seems to have become set on it. It's a notebook I found in Carturesti, in the gift thingies area. It's a hardback spiral bound red and something notebook, with a monopoly man on the cover, and has sections for making lists of films to see, for writing reviews and for making personal tops. I wish I got it then. If I can spare some time, I'll hop on a bus and go looking for it this very week.

5. Graphic novels

Can't explain why I never bought Persepolis, as every time I walk into a library that has it, I want to walk out with it in hand. It's not that I was crazy about the film, although I did enjoy it a lot, but the story in itself and Satrapi's bittersweet humor and insights into what women's personal "hidden" lives are like sold  me instantly.

This one my boyfriend wanted to get me, but I said no, as we needed to save every penny for upcoming concert trips. Still, the more I read about it, the more it puzzles me and, as a blooming fan of writing about social change and recent history through graphic novels, it is definitely going on my list.

6. Baking stuff

My list seems to be populated with things I can get, I should get, but always find an excuse not to. In the case of muffin trays, it's the sizes that throw me off. I own some silicone shapes I use when baking and they come in three sizes, so I never have to worry. The tray, though, it's either super large or super small. I yet have to find the right one or buy them all. I'm also thinking about buying a tart tray, as it's a super fruity season and they are virtually some of the easiest things to bake and ornate, except for sponge cake. Sponge cake is entry level and my mom gave me a tray for that the day I moved out :) And in order to fulfill my baking dreams, I definitely need to get a large bowl to mix batter in. My mom has two of the huge Tupperware collection, so maybe I'll starve for a week and get me one of those. Or just a stainless steel one from Ikea I saw downtown a while ago.

7. Even more Tarot cards!

 

The Book Depository had a sale on some super lovely Tarot cards with baroque cats. Yes, that's right. It sounds insane, but they are totally adorable! It's kind of expensive right now, so maybe I'll wait a while. It would make the fourth or fifth of my card sets. I already own a silly Great Trumps set with cats in love, but I'd like myself some full-sized feline Tarot, to make my card studying more fun and have the cards purr me stories.

Yep. That's my crazy current wishlist. Most of all, though, I'd like to get fit, stay healthy, get plenty of rest and create the physical conditions to work at full speed and enjoy what I have thoroughly. Lately I've been overworked, overtired, and quite ill, and I feel like people around me don't get to enjoy the real me, but a zombie or jumpy me, constantly complaining and in the mood for nothing. So here's to a good healthy summer and happy times!