Back to the future

Yes, the line of whiny personal posts continues. I just finished reading some pages I wrote two years ago and a few posts I deleted from the blog in between. There are no skeletons in my closet, they are full-fleshed demons. In my lines, I kind of stick to the same concerns: not knowing what I want, except for not wanting to become anything like my dad, being afraid, afraid of so much I have no time to list it all here, being single and how much I hate all the push-pull people play on me. I do have optimistic words sometimes. Fear is the mind-killer :D I hardly identify with that girl. All the right words are there in my head and now, knowing where all that led, I can tell her it was all worth it. That the big mistakes were fearsome responses to being deeply hurt. That all the people whose opinions she feared are no longer relevant. That she is and will be loved by all the right ones. That there are immense possibilities of bifurcations her life can take and that none is better than the other one and you can make the best of what you've got. That having slight feminist tendencies is not that bad ;) One thing I've noticed is that I never become a better person. Is there such thing?
Now I wish there was a blog post from the future to make me feel better. I've always been a lazy person and got away with it, but the past is only making me wonder if this time won't be an exception. I need someone to tell me I'll graduate this thing and that there are wonderful things waiting for me back home and if not, that I'll someday head to wherever they may be. It'd be comforting to get a hint of how foolish my fear is.