Thursday, May 14, 2009

I killed the prom queen*

OMG, this spring ball is probably my last dance while in school. I didn't go to the banquet last year, when I graduated, so I figure once in four years I can wear an inappropriate dress and try hard not to get drunk because I'm on high heels. When I was 15, I had a too tight dress and I was crying on a swing. When I was 19, the dress was too short and I was continuously on the phone. This time I fear the cleavage is quite too much, but, oh, well, at least the dress is comfortable and long enough. The heels will probably kill me, but I'm training for a wedding anyway. I don't have a partner and I feel there is no need for one. This is CEE, single women are as common as corruption. There is no stigma associated to showing up all by yourself. I generally dislike having a plus one at parties. They make me think I'm more wild that I actually am.
Today, when I was going to see my internship coordinator, I was thinking about how we can be happy anywhere. There will always be something to complain about if we can't enjoy what's around. I read somewhere that Bob Marley said something like "love the life you live, live the life you love." And I've always thought that the first one should come, well, first. When you start getting the best of what you've got, you can turn it into what you've always wanted it to be. But if you always believe it's not worth to try, you'll keep on being miserable. Change is not built on air.
Then I got really down, I realized I'm such a lazy bone, skipping on my huge load of work. I was bashing myself about how I disappoint people and how being good is not enough, when you're not the best. But looking at it a little from the outside, I see that we are our worst critics. We don't like people because we assume they don't like us. We don't do things because we assume we can't do it. Well, another thing I read somewhere is that life is not about finding, but about inventing ourselves. We should allow ourselves to be at peace from time to time.

*It's actually the name of a band, as I happened to notice just now. They play some metalcore and i must say it's really catchy. I can't decide if I love it or hate it. Which is a good sign.

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