Friday, May 15, 2009

17 again

I just watched the movie and in a very silly way it got to me. It's more about getting me to think about being 17. I was actually nostalgic earlier today and it makes me sad that I don't remember much and I stopped writing frequently in my diary right about that time. I remember we were hungry for freedom. I remember jokes and parties. Oh, if I stop to think, lots of things come back to me, especially related to the people in my life. My babe lived a great love story during that summer. I had a nice boyfriend who broke up with me because I didn't want to commit (lol). Then I almost got into an alcoholic coma, the two events being unrelated. My friends stood by me all night. In august we all went up to the mountains together and at night everybody had a different kind of paranoia. In autumn we were partying in Hard and singing in the cemetery (probably this post won't make it here for more than a week). It was the season of the 18th birthdays and we had so much fun together. Dancing at every party, we didn't let them close one time. In December I hooked up with my high school sweetheart. I was so in love I didn't need food or sleep or air. I was always scared it's too good to be true. Turns out it was. I'm going on 23 and that's my damn scary age. I look in the mirror and I'm scared. Although I bet my skin and hair look better than then, I feel I'm drying up, it's like every minute now I'm going to be 50 wondering where it all went. My brother was not even in school yet then. I didn't have money for pretty clothes, and that made me feel less than sometimes, or money for a camera, although I was taking a photography class. I had never been out of the country and I had no idea that when the real reasons to cry come along, I'd be out of tears. I would cry out of anything, I was such a sissy. Most of the friends I had then are still here. If I could do it all over again, I'd do the exact same things. I might be scared of where I am right now, but I like where it got me.

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