Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Miserable

"I feel like one of those people who is so miserable that they can't be around normal people, like I'll infect the happy people." Meredith Grey

Today I accidentally set my clock one hour ahead and that little thing eventually led me to learn something so obvious about myself. I'm a mean angry person. I don't miss one chance to yell at people. I swear a lot. I bash others when they're not around. And all that because I'm so miserable. Not unhappy. It's as if I even forgot about being happy. Yes, I am contempt. And I have moments of total bliss. But I'm annoyed by any tiny criticism. By any person who doesn't meet my expectations. As if I had such high standards. Truth is I have them for myself. And they're stupid and part of why I'm so miserable. I need to let go and I need to cut myself some slack. One of these days I'll bake myself some muffins. And some other day I'll assume everyone likes me and they're just as miserable as I used to be.
Maybe being nurturing and having a living soul to make me smile will do the trick. The kitty I'm adopting is coming in today. She's a little black kitten rescued from a car wash where she ended up after climbing in a car and getting stuck in the engine. I wanna name her Olga and I really hope she grows to love me. I got her toys and baby cat food and all the other stuff she'll need. I'm already thinking of a Christmas present. It's going to be some sort of hammock to put on the radiator. Oh, I can't wait to see her!

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